The Tin Dog, the Traveller and the Timelord
by Eleantris
Summary: It's Valentine's Day and the Doctor has taken Rose for a 'not-a-date-but-in-his-mind-a-date'. But when Jack and Mickey turn up out of the blue, chaos ensues as they fight over Rose's heart. Will K-9 have a sensible solution? Well...not really. Parody.
1. Part One

_**Okay, this is in no way meant to be taken seriously. It's a parody – I've written it for a laugh, really, and also as a birthday present for one of my best friends who always complains that I'm not writing any DrWho stories at the moment. I don't quite know when it's set in relation to the other episodes, as Mickey hasn't met Jack yet, but it's after The Doctor Dances...Well, obviously because it's 10**__**th**__** Doctor...but yeah, and so on...but it doesn't really matter - it's a parody. **_

_**So yes, all the characters are exaggerated and yes, it's all a bit ridiculous, but hey! I hope you enjoy it and please leave a review at the end! There'll be either two chapters, or three, depending on how much I decide to put in. **_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Doctor Who.**_

_**Part One**_

* * *

Rose stared up at the fish and chip shop with a grim expression on her face. The Norfolk sea air was blowing her hair around her face and biting at her skin, causing her to pull her jacket further around herself. "Are you serious?" she asked, glancing at the Doctor. She looked down at the short, but classy, black dress she had chosen to wear for their 'date'. It wasn't a date, really, the Doctor had said. But it was Valentine's Day on earth and she had wanted to do _something_. "It's Valentine's Day and you've brought me to some manky fish and chip shop?"

The Doctor looked at her, pouting slightly with his hands in the pockets of his long brown coat. "What's wrong with it? I thought you liked chips!"

She raised an eyebrow. "It's _Valentine's Day_, and you've brought me to a fish and chip shop! How cheap do you think I am? You're a rubbish date, you." Upon seeing his hurt expression, she laughed and threaded her arm through his. "I'm joking, Doctor, come on, let's get some chips. It's freezing out here."

Inside, Rose and the Doctor were hit by the overwhelming scent of hot oil, cooking fish and linoleum. There was a disinterested looking woman stood behind the counter and a series of slightly dirty, glowing menus were mounted on the wall behind her. A few tables were dotted around the shop area, covered in red and white checked tablecloths and holding the usual plastic bottle of ketchup and salt and pepper shakers.

"Right then, Rose," the Doctor said, beaming at her, "What do you want?"

She sighed, smiling at him. "Doctor, you've known me long enough. I'll have what I always have."

"Right," he replied brightly, nodding. He stepped up to the counter with the usual spring in his step, grinning at the woman, despite her apathetic face. "Hello!"

The woman, whose name badge identified her as 'Janet', looked up, surprised. "Hello," she said, sounding unsure as she frowned slightly at the cheerful looking man before her. "What're you having then?"

"Well my lovely friend here will have a small cod and chips, and as for me..." he trailed off, drumming his fingers on the countertop. "Ooh, decisions, decisions." Biting his lip, he scanned the menus until eventually, after a few minutes of 'um-ing' and 'ah-ing', his face lit up. "I'll have five banana fritters, please!"

Rose's eyes bugged out of their sockets. "_Five_ banana fritters?" she exclaimed, looking at him incredulously. "That's what you're gonna have? Five banana fritters?"

"Yes," he told her, looking a little indignant. "Five banana fritters. What's wrong with that?"

"Well, it's a bit odd, Doctor."

He frowned, and picked up a ketchup bottle. Spreading his legs apart, he pointed it at her with a serious expression on his face. "Don't insult the bananas, or I will squeeze."

"Doctor, you can't just order five-"

"I'll do it!" he warned, applying slight pressure to the plastic bottle. "I'll squeeze, and you know what happens then!"

Sighing, Rose shook her head, still eyeing the ketchup bottle warily. She didn't need ketchup all over her dress. "Fine, fine!" she said, holding her hands up in defeat. "Have your banana fritters."

"And?" the Doctor pushed with a raised eyebrow.

She sighed again. "_And_, bananas are the most amazing fruit in the entire universe."

His eyebrow remained raised as he pursed his lips.

"Ugh," Rose huffed, crossing her arms. "And you are the cleverest, most intelligent man in the entire universe and all because you eat bananas, which are so wonderful and the most delicious fruit ever to exist."

A bright smile spread across his face as he stood up properly again and put the ketchup bottle back. "That's more like it!"

Rose just scowled at him and turned away to watch the woman as she threw a few more chips into the deep fat fryer and began grumpily coating some banana slices in batter.

"Oh come on, Rose," he whined, throwing an arm around her shoulder to pull her closer to him. "It's Valentine's Day, cheer up!"

"You threatened to squirt ketchup all over me!"

"Oh, are you still annoyed about that? Honestly, Rose, if we all dwelled on the past the way you do, we'd all have millions of grudges!"

Frowning, Rose nudged him in the ribs. "You do dwell in the past, Doctor! So you can't talk; you have loads of grudges."

"I do not!" he protested, taking his arm from around her shoulders. "I'm friendly, me! Mr friendly-friendly-friend, that's my name!" He paused for a moment, glancing at her. "Well, no, that's not my real name, but you get the idea. I don't have grudges!"

"You do!" she said, placing her hands on her hips in a very good imitation of her mother. The Doctor shied away from her slightly – he was guessing that Jackie's slap probably ran in the family. He did _not_ want to go there again.

"Okay then, what? What are my grudges? Who are they against?"

Sighing, Rose held up her hands and began to check them off against her fingers. "Let's see...Cybermen, Slitheens, the Jidoon, Cassandra, the Krillitanes, the Nestene Consciousness...Oh, and the Daleks!"

The Doctor huffed and crossed his arms. "I have a right to bear a grudge against the Daleks, they destroyed my whole planet! They took away my home."

"So?" Rose replied with a shrug. "The council evicted me and my Mum from our house when I was six, it doesn't mean I want to blow 'em up every time I see them."

"That's different, and you know it, Rose Tyler," The Doctor told her in a low voice, glancing at the woman behind the counter to check she hadn't heard their conversation. Well to be honest, if she had, she'd just think they were talking gibberish. Most people thought that of him all of the time anyway, even when he was talking perfect sense. Like back on the planet Jacithiara – jumping off the cliff really had been the best option! Well, until Rose found the steps down to the beach, of course...

Rose just shrugged again. "Whatever. I want my chips."

"And I want my girlfriend back."

Gasping, Rose whirled around to take in the man stood in the doorway. Wearing a serious smile and holding some kind of tracking device, Mickey stepped forward. "Mickey!" Rose exclaimed, rushing forwards to throw her arms around him. "What are you doing here?"

"Yes," the Doctor said, frowning, "What are you doing here?" How had Mickey known where they were? Well, he _had_ told Rose that this wasn't a proper date, but still...he'd wanted to spend Valentine's Day alone with her...you know, just to see...what might have happened... He cut his thoughts off in order to return to the problem at hand. Namely, the tin dog.

A grin spread across Mickey's face as kept his arms around Rose, refusing to let go. Very dog-like, The Doctor thought. "I'm the techno-man; I tracked you down of course!"

Pulling back, or at least, attempting to pull back, Rose raised an eyebrow. "The techno-man?"

He nodded, and finally relinquished his hold. "Yup," he replied, stuffing the small tracking device into his pocket. "I built up my own business – I go around the estate sortin' out people's technology and computers and stuff. You know like, when they're stuck or broken. They call me the techno-man."

"Oh really?" the Doctor asked, stepping forward and standing closer to Rose than necessary. "So, how many people have you got working in this business?"

Mickey's grin faltered slightly. "No-one, it's just me. Just me, going round...fixing stuff."

"Just you?" the Doctor repeated, scrutinizing the man before him. "Well, that's not really a business at all, is it? It's just you, one solitary man...fixing stuff." He scrunched up his nose to make it look like he was thinking. "Bit sad really, don't you think, Rose? Just him, fixing stuff. He needs a mate, a business partner!"

Rose frowned at him, warning him with her eyes. "Stop insulting 'im, I think it's great! Besides, isn't that kinda what you were before you 'ad me, Doctor? Just one solitary man, fixing stuff."

The Doctor paused, not quite knowing what to say to that. Then, grinning all of a sudden, he shrugged and threw a possessive arm around her shoulders. He pulled her close, eyes dancing as he pressed a kiss to the side of her forehead. "Well, yeah, but I've got you now, Rose! Don't have to be all on my lonesome anymore." He caught the flash of jealousy in Mickey's eyes and let go of Rose with a satisfied smirk.

"Yeah, well, um, that's kinda...why I came," Mickey said, looking a little nervous as his eyes darted between Rose and the Doctor.

"What do you mean, Mickey? What's going on?"

"Well, um, you an' me never really broke up, and...Well, you've been travelling with him for a while now and I thought that, well...um, erm...you could...um..."

"Oh, spit it out, Mickey!" the Doctor said cheerfully, though inside, his stomach was churning. Was he about to say what he thought he was going to say? Was he going to take Rose away from him? _His_ Rose.

Mickey gulped and turned to look at Rose properly. "Rose, I thought that maybe it's time to...you know..."

"Come home?" Rose finished for him, a slight frown forming on her face. "You want me to come home? With you?"

"Well, not exactly, if you don't want...I...um...Well, yes, actually. Yes, I want you to come home." Mickey nodded. "With me."

A sudden silence descended in the fish and chip shop; Rose's mouth was hanging slightly open, Mickey was fidgeting nervously, Janet – the woman behind the counter – was still frying fish, and the Doctor? Well, he was just stood there silently...But really, inside, he was debating over whether or not punching Mickey was an appropriate thing to do in public. It was perhaps a little violent...for someone who doesn't believe in violence.

Eventually, Rose let out a soft sigh and the Doctor was surprised to see a small build up of tears in her eyes. Oh no. "Mickey, I...I don't know. I want to, but at the same time, I don't. You know? I love travelling with the Doctor, but I hate leaving you behind too..." A small tear slipped from the corner of her eye as indecision raged in her chest. The thought of going home, with Mickey, where she could see her Mum everyday and settle down, maybe with a family and... But then, that would mean never seeing the Doctor ever again. And the thought of that...well, she didn't want to think about it. Plus, all that settling down stuff...did she really want that with _Mickey_? Much as she loved him, she wasn't sure that he... She shook her head, not wanting to think too much. That was never a good thing.

"You can't just suddenly appear out of nowhere and make me choose between you!" she exclaimed quietly, wiping away her tears. "It's too hard."

Forcing a small smile onto his face, the Doctor reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak, but it wasn't his voice that next resounded throughout the dingy fish and chip shop.

"Well, you're lucky I'm here then! Ladies and gentlemen," Jack stepped forward, a gleaming grin spread across his face, "Presenting...Captain Jack Harkness!" He took an ostentatious bow before confidently stepping up to Rose, taking her hand, and kissing it firmly. "Miss Tyler, I think we should pick up where we left off, don't you?"

Unable to resist, Rose giggled a little and slowly pulled back her hand. "Jack!" she hugged him in much the same way as she had with Mickey. "What are you doing here?"

"Yes," the Doctor said through gritted teeth. He was getting a little sick of this. "What are you doing here?" He could never just have a quiet day, could he? All he wanted was to take Rose on a 'not-a-date-but-actually-in-his-mind-a-date' and have a nice time. But oh no, who had to turn up? The tin dog and...Well, what was Jack, exactly? He shrugged inwardly: a traveller, he supposed.

Grinning, Jack looked around, taking in the shop. "I came looking for Rose, of course! It's taken me exactly three hours, twenty-six minutes to track you two down. I'm exhausted."

Mickey's eyes widened. "What?" he exclaimed, in quite a girly manner, the Doctor thought. "I've been trying to trace them for seven months!"

Jack's head whipped around to look at Mickey. "Hello," he said, holding his hand out. "I have no idea who the hell you are, but I'm Captain Jack Harkness. Nice to meet you."

Mickey glanced down at his hand and pulled a face. "I have no idea who the hell you are either!"

Frowning, Jack kept his hand where it was. "I just told you, I'm Captain Jack Harkness." He turned around to look at Rose. "Does he have trouble hearing?"

"My hearing is perfectly fine, thank you very much!" Mickey shouted, feeling extremely put out. Why did everyone think he was stupid? "You gave me a name; you didn't tell me who you were!"

"Oh well, I'm sorry," Jack said, turning back to Mickey with sarcasm dripping from his voice. "You see, the way it goes, is you shake my hand, tell me _your_ name and then, we talk and find out a little more about each other." He quickly pulled a face once he'd finished speaking. "Ugh, that sounded like I was explaining how a speed date goes or something. And no offence, but I don't want to date you."

Mickey's mouth fell open. "You-uh-wh-how? Who the hell is he?" he demanded, looking at Rose.

Rose sighed, sensing that her 'date' had already turned into a disaster. "He's Jack, and before you start panicking – yes, he's bi. Get over it though, because he probably doesn't fancy you."

His mouth opened again, there were loads of things he wanted to say, but first, he had to get his words out. "You know, if I wasn't straight, I'd be really insulted right now! Why is everyone picking on me?" He looked around, from Jack, to Rose, to the Doctor and back to Jack again. "Right, okay, slow down. Who are you?"

Jack sighed. "You know you really need to see someone about that amnesia of yours. I'm Captain Jack Harkness and I'm not saying it again – I told you, I'm already exhausted."

"And what are you doing here? How do you know Rose?"

"The jealous type, isn't he?" Jack asked in a not-so-hushed-whisper, glancing at Rose. Rose just nodded awkwardly.

"I'm a traveller, former time-agent, old friend-slash-enemy of the Doctor and hopefully, the one to win Rose's heart. Happy now?"

Mickey's mouth fell open again, his eyes bugging out of their sockets. "Wait, hold up a minute. You're after Rose too?"

"Well, duh," Jack replied, glancing at Rose and giving her a cheeky wink. "Who wouldn't be? Look at the girl! She's absolutely gorgeous." He smiled, looking back at Mickey. "We met in World War II, not the best place, I know, but hey – romance appears in strange places! She fell for me instantly..." he trailed off, grinning. "Well who wouldn't – look at my face!"

Rose looked annoyed for all of three seconds, before a grin split her face in two. To be honest, she was enjoying watching Mickey and Jack bicker over her much more than she should.

"Well then," Mickey said, clenching his fists. "You're gonna have to fight me for her."

"Oh, God, no!" Rose exclaimed, rushing forward. "Mickey, don't. Remember what happened last time?"

The corner of Jack's lips jerked upwards into a smirk. "What happened last time?" he asked, his own body tensing for a fight – his eyes bright with anticipation.

"Mickey, please don't." Rose turned to look at Jack and the Doctor. "A twelve year old chav called me 'well fit' so Mickey tried to beat him up..." she bit her lip, slightly embarrassed. "He was in hospital for two weeks."

"What?" the Doctor exclaimed, his eyes widening. "Mickey was?"

She nodded. "Yeah..."

Huffing, Mickey glowered at Rose. "Thanks for that."

"Right, right, okay! I've had enough," The Doctor said loudly, stepping forward. "If you two are fighting for her, I'm joining in too."

Both Jack and Mickey lowered their fists in shock. Rose blushed, though she tried to hide it. The Doctor looked between Jack and Mickey apologetically. "Sorry, but Jack, I don't want you to have Rose because your babies would be so good looking they'd blind me – and I value my sight, I really do. And Mickey...I don't want you to have Rose because...well...let's face it, you're a bit of a loser." At Mickey's furious expression, he raised his hands. "Oh, no, no, no, no! In a good way, of course. You're a loser in a good way."

"A loser in a good way?" Mickey repeated slowly as Jack let out a badly suppressed snigger. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means...um...that..." the Doctor trailed off, feeling awkward. "It probably means I should start running, very soon, actually..."

"Oh no you don't!" Mickey yelled, preparing to punch.

"Oh someone save me," the Doctor muttered desperately, actually feeling a little fear as he witnessed the raw fury in Mickey's eyes. But the punch never came. Instead, an all too familiar robotic voice sounded out.

"Affirmative, master! K-9 will find a solution. K-9 will help."

* * *

_**Dun, dun, dun! Hope you liked it – especially you, Anna, after all, it is your birthday present! Well, the first part of it anyway. Please review – and that goes to all of you! I'd love to know what you think!**_

_**X =D**_


	2. Part Two

_**Hi, thanks for all your reviews for Part One – it's really appreciated! Here's Part Two, hope you enjoy it! There'll be either one or two more chapters after this, just depending on how long it gets. If I'm feeling really imaginative and generous, there might even be three more. Thanks and please keep the reviews coming!**_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Doctor Who, if I did, I'd make an episode out of this and give it to my friend as her birthday present. Humph, and she says I'm a rubbish friend! Well, she doesn't mean it...or at least, I hope she doesn't! =D**_

_**Part Two**_

* * *

"Oh great," Rose grumbled, looking at K-9. "What is this? How many weirdos can you cram into a fish 'n chip shop?"

The Doctor looked hurt. "Weirdos? That's a bit harsh."

Sighing, she shook her head and went to perch on one of the tables. "No offence, but you're all a bit weird. Doctor, you think near-death experiences are fun; Jack, you're a freak of nature which technically means you're weird, and Mickey – come on. You think it's cool to be called 'techno-man'. Enough said." She paused, glancing at K-9. "And you – you're the definition of weird. You're a metal dog that can talk for Christ's sake!"

"Affirmative," K-9 replied. Rose just rolled her eyes. All she'd asked for was a quiet day with the Doctor – not a friends reunited convention!

"Wow, Rose," the Doctor said quietly, looking like a four year old whose puppy had just been kicked. "I didn't know you could be so mean!"

"I kind of like it," Jack remarked as he sent another wink Rose's way. "But you have to admit, Rose, you're a bit of a weirdo too."

"I'm not a weirdo! I'm the sane one around here – the one that stops _him_," she pointed to the Doctor, "from jumping off cliffs when it's not necessary! How am _I_ a weirdo?"

Jack merely raised an eyebrow. "Well, you went out with _him_ for a start," he joked, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder towards Mickey.

"Ugh, can we get back to the fighting now?" Mickey asked through gritted teeth, his fists still clenched.

"Now, now," Jack said, holding up his hands. "Violence is never the answer, right Doc? I think we should ask K-9 to find a way for us to settle this diplomatically. I don't want to put you in hospital."

Glowering at him, Mickey brought his fists up. "I'm going to kill you," he warned seriously, body tensing for a fight.

Jack laughed. "Good luck with that."

"He can't die, Mickey," Rose told him, stepping forward from where she and the Doctor had been watching, thoroughly amused. Though she still resented being called a weirdo too. If Jack was trying to win her heart, he was going about it in entirely the wrong manner. "Something happened a while back and now he just won't stay dead. He comes back to life every time someone tries to kill him."

"Bet that's often," the Doctor muttered to himself, smiling a little. Secretly, he thought the other two had no chance against him. Hello, he had a time machine! And nice teeth...and the hair, couldn't forget the hair. Though he did regret it not being ginger...

Mickey's mouth dropped open as he turned to face the smirking captain. "You can't die? Well that makes you just as bad as 'im!" he exclaimed, nodding towards the Doctor. "Neither of you are any good for Rose, 'cause she'll grow old whilst you two stay the same." He looked at Rose. "C'mon, come home with me, baby – you can't choose one of these two."

Frowning, Rose glanced between the Doctor and Jack. She had already thought of that, but it still didn't change anything. At least, she didn't think so. "Mickey, stop making me choose..."

"Rose, please, don't you understand? This is just like in Twilight!" Mickey cried desperately. "Bella should've chosen Jacob over Edward, because at least then she'd have someone to grow old with. It's like Team Jacob, but Team Mickey!"

The whole shop fell silent as everyone gawped at Mickey. "You actually like Twilight?" Jack scoffed. "Though I have to admit, Eric was hot."

"Yes, I do like it!" Mickey insisted, sounding more and more like an obsessed fan-girl by the minute. "I think it's a brilliant modern fairytale, with dynamic characters and an unpredictable plotline."

Silence reigned for all of three seconds before the Doctor, Rose, Jack and even K-9 burst out laughing.

"Unpredictable plotline?" Rose exclaimed hysterically as she clutched her sides. "Let's face it, Mickey, each book just consists of 'we're gonna fight, we're gonna fight...Oh, wait, it's okay now. Let's go home and wonder who's gonna try kill us next!' Don't even deny it!"

Mickey just looked incredibly grumpy as everyone continued to laugh at him.

_Half an hour later..._

"Okay! That's enough making fun of Twilight!" Mickey shouted just as Jack was about to mimic Edward's 'I'm trying so hard not to suck your blood' face.

Rose looked up from where she had been pretending to be Bella, standing helplessly in the corner, doing nothing. "Alright, guys, cut it out. Fun's over. Mickey might start crying if we keep going."

Frowning at her, Mickey pouted a little. "Why am I even trying to win your heart when you're so cruel to me?"

"Because you're stupid and can't get anyone else, that's why," Jack answered for her as he pulled his military coat back on.

"I'm not stupid!" Mickey protested, stamping his foot – which only made Jack and Rose laugh more hysterically.

"Mickey," the Doctor said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Remember when you screamed because of those lab-rats and I said I could just see you as a little girl, with blonde pigtails, about five years old?"

"Yeah, why?"

He pulled a sympathetic face and patted him on the back. "That image is back. And let's face it; I think Rose is more likely to go for the handsome Timelord with nice teeth than a five year old girl with blonde pigtails."

Mickey was just about to come back with a retort when K-9 made his way to the centre of the shop, his head spinning to look at all of them. "K-9 has found a solution!"

"You have?" Rose asked.

"Affirmative!"

"Oh thank God," she sighed. "What a relief – I thought I was going to end up choosing all by myself. It's not easy ya know!"

"Affirmative," K-9 said again. "The solution is a modified version of blind date in which all three candidates compete in a series of question and activity rounds to prove their worth. The winner will win your heart."

A wide grin spread across Rose's face as her eyes lit up. "Oh that's brilliant! It's like Blind Date, Total Wipe-out and Crush all mixed into one! Me and Mum used to love those shows!"

"Rose! You do know this is totally ridiculous, right? You can't just use some bogus game that a tin dog has thought up to choose between us!" Mickey cried, fear rising in his chest. What if he lost? What if he lost? He'd already bought her a welcome home present! He wondered if Poundland took returns...

"Hey, don't insult the tin dog," the Doctor ordered sternly. "After all – you are one."

Mickey just huffed in reply.

"I think it's a brilliant idea," Jack said cheerfully, bouncing enthusiastically on the spot. "And you wanna know why I think it's such a brilliant idea?"

"Enlighten us," the Doctor sighed, glancing at Janet who miraculously, was still sorting out their order. How slow was the service at this place?

"Because I'm _obviously_ going to win, of course!" Jack exclaimed happily as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "To the TARDIS!"

"I think it's a rubbish idea," Mickey muttered, getting really annoyed. He'd spent seven months looking for Rose, and now he was going to lose her because of a stupid game!

"Only because you're going to lose," Jack remarked with a smirk.

"Just you wait," he warned, fists clenching again. "You'll eat your words."

"Eat my words?" Jack pulled a face. "Bit of a weird expression...eat your words..." he trailed off, and began walking around the shop, making massive biting motions with his mouth and swallowing thin air. "Hm, not very easy that."

"Okay, enough fooling around then, let's go!" Rose said happily, opening the door. She was quite excited; she could tell this was going to be fun. Very, very fun. She should have brought her camera. And what was even better, by the end of it, she'd have one of them! And she wouldn't even have to go to the trouble of thinking about it too hard. She grinned, thinking of how well it had all worked out.

"What about my banana fritters?" the Doctor asked, looking longingly at the still frying banana fritters.

"You can get them later," Rose said with a sigh. "We've got a time machine so we can come back – she won't even notice we've gone."

The Doctor pouted a little and reluctantly walked towards the door. "Fine," he whined, stomping through the door. "Let's get this over and done with, and then I can take you to Barcelona. We haven't been there yet."

"Barcelona?" Mickey scoffed as he followed them out, "You're assuming you're going to win here, then."

"Of course I am, Mickey!" the Doctor exclaimed confidently. "Look, embrace the facts. Me – super clever Timelord. You – techno-man come loser. Do the math. Or try to, at least..."

"You know what? I'm so insulted, I'm not even going to say anything," Mickey said pointedly as he drifted to walk some way behind them, feeling incredibly annoyed. Wouldn't anyone just be nice to him? Not even Rose?

* * *

"Right, how does this work then?" Jack asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. They were back at the TARDIS, all stood in the large console room. The Doctor was looking pretty relaxed about it all, Mickey was stood nervously on one side wearing a disgruntled expression and Rose was sat back comfortably on the captain's chair, smiling.

"There will be a series of rounds," K-9 announced, his antennae flashing like mad. "Round one will be a question round."

Mickey suddenly looked ten times more nervous at the prospect of answering questions. "Err...on what subject." He desperately hoped it wouldn't geography, or history, or maths, or politics or...well, any tricky subject really.

"The questions will be about Rose," K-9 informed him as a strange circle of light appeared on the floor. "Will all contestants please step up to the playing area."

And so the game began. Rose watched on anxiously, constantly stuffing popcorn into her mouth as K-9 began to ask the questions.

"Fingers on buzzers," K-9 instructed robotically, spinning his head around.

"What bloody buzzers?" Mickey grumbled just as three buzzers appeared in midair, one hovering in front of each of them. "And where are you getting all the questions from anyway? How d'you know the answers?"

"I am all-knowing. Do not question. That is my job, affirmative?"

Mickey sighed and muttered something incredibly rude under his breath. "Yes, just get on with it."

"I will. Question one: what is Rose's favourite colour?"

"Easy," Mickey muttered. "It's-"

"Pink!" Jack exclaimed with a grin, his hand hitting the buzzer.

"Correct," K-9 said, ignoring Mickey's annoyed protests that it wasn't fair. "One point to Captain Jack Harkness. Question two: what is Rose's favourite food?"

"Chips!" Mickey shouted, hurriedly hitting the buzzer.

"Incorrect."

"What?" Mickey's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. "It is chips! She's always loved chips!"

The Doctor laughed and calmly pressed his own buzzer. "It's Helantico flavoured ice cream. We had it back on the planet Rophlos about...ooh...a month ago now. It's their speciality and since I bought some for Rose, it's been her favourite food. Doesn't quite beat bananas in my book, but ah well."

"Correct," K-9 confirmed as Mickey sent the Doctor death glares.

"What the hell is Helantico anyway?"

"It's a fruit from Rophlos – Rose loves it."

"Humph," Mickey huffed, crossing his arms. "Well how the hell was I supposed to know that? She doesn't even ring me while she's gallivanting off around the universe!"

"Contestant three will be quiet. One point goes to the Doctor. Question three: what is Rose's favourite book?"

"War and peace!" Jack called out as his buzzer went off. Over on the captain's chair, Rose bit her lip and looked down uncomfortably. This wasn't going to be good.

"Incorrect."

"Oh!" Mickey exclaimed, hitting his buzzer. "It's pride and prejudice. She told me that ages ago." He smirked at Jack, feeling very satisfied with himself.

"Incorrect."

The smirk dropped from Mickey's face like a ton of bricks, leaving both him and Jack very confused. "Huh?"

On the right hand side, the Doctor smiled and gently pressed his buzzer. "Rose's favourite book is Bridget Jones – The Edge of Reason."

"Correct. Another point goes to the Doctor."

"But, you told me it was Pride and Prejudice!"

"And you told me it was War and Peace," Jack said, his frown matching Mickey's.

"Yeah," the Doctor said casually, diverting the angry attention away from Rose. "She told me ages ago that she tried to impress people by saying she'd read classic books to make herself look clever. But she admitted to me that Bridget Jones was really her favourite book and she'd never read War and Peace or Pride and Prejudice in her entire life."

Allowing his mouth to fall open, Mickey turned to look accusingly at Rose. "Is that true? You trusted him enough to be honest, but you lied to me? I've known you since we were six!"

Rose just looked down awkwardly at her knees, praying for the Doctor to defend her.

"Oh take it as a compliment," Jack said, shrugging. "She was trying to impress you! Which is remarkable really, because if it was me, I wouldn't have thought you were worth impressing." A smile spread across his face as Mickey seethed. "I mean, I can understand why she lied to me. Come on, who wouldn't want to impress _this_?" He gestured to his face.

"Yes, who wouldn't indeed, oh marvellous creation of the Gods?" the Doctor asked sarcastically. "Can we get back to the game now? I was winning, last time I checked."

"Affirmative, master. We will proceed. Question four: what is Rose's pet hate?"

For once, the Doctor was the first to hit the buzzer. "People looking down on her. We visited this planet once, and there were all these really, really tall people walking around – they were the natives – and she got all scared and annoyed. So I had to buy her some stilts and she was walking around in them all day, looking like some freakishly tall pink and yellow thing. It was funny when you think about it really. Well, except for when we went into one of their cyber-pubs and it said 'duck or grouse' and she kind of chose grouse and ended up flat on the floor..."

"Alright, alright!" Rose called from the corner. "We don't need to go into the embarrassing details."

"Sorry," the Doctor said, grinning at her. "I rambled for too long again, didn't I?" He looked back at K-9. "Another point to me, there's a good dog."

"Affirmative, master. Another point goes to the Doctor."

Mickey frowned, feeling outdone again. He was going to say haribo sweets. "I'm not sure that's what the phrase 'looking down on you' means, Doctor."

The Doctor shrugged. "It is in this case. She doesn't like feeling short."

"And you'd know this because?" he asked grumpily.

"She told me," the Doctor replied proudly, trying but failing to hide his smirk.

After that, the game carried on in much the same fashion. Mickey complained at practically every question, Jack continuously commented on how good looking he was, and the Doctor calmly sailed his way through practically every question. By the end, the score board stood at the Doctor – fifteen points, Jack – six points and Mickey – one point. He had known that Rose was blonde. Little did he realise that K-9 had merely thrown that question in because he felt a little sorry for Mickey.

"The winner of that round was...the Doctor!" K-9 announced, his robotic voice echoing throughout the TARDIS. "The next round will involve three physically demanding challenges."

"Bring it on!" Jack said enthusiastically, flexing his arm muscles.

"Yes, yes, Hercules," the Doctor said dryly, "Don't get ahead of yourself." He paused, a grin spreading across his face. "Physical challenges – this should be fun!"

And then, without any kind of warning, the Doctor suddenly started hopping around the console room singing 'Let's get physical, physical. Let's get physical, physical...' Complete with hip-thrusts.

"Come on everyone, join in!" he called, hip-thrusting his way around the console. "Let's get physical, physical! Let's get physical..."

Everyone else just stared, wondering what on earth the Doctor had eaten that day... Jack had never been more turned on.

* * *

_**Sorry about the ending there...it just kind of popped into my head and I couldn't resist! Hope it was okay, please review and I'll have more up soon!**_

_**X =D**_

**_P.S - Just to say, I actually have nothing against Twilight myself. I really like the books (films aren't so great) and I just thought it'd be funny to put that in a bit. So Twi-fans, don't hate me! I like it too - it's just a few jokes! _**

**_P.P.S - In your review, could you please state whether you are 'Team Mickey', 'Team Doctor' or 'Team Jack' - I'm interested to know, tee hee!_**


	3. Part Three

_**Hi, thanks for the reviews and sorry about the delay with posting this next part – holidays and stuff got in the way. But it's here now, I hope you like it! Oh, and by the way, I know the first challenge in this chapter is extremely unbelievable. It's ridiculous and unrealistic, but hey, I had fun writing it!**_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own DrWho, whether I like that fact or not. **_

_**Part Three**_

* * *

"Will the contestants please exit the TARDIS to make their way to the first physical challenge," K-9 instructed as the TARDIS doors creaked open and Rose eagerly leapt from her seat.

"Well go on then," she said, ushering them towards the door. "And Mickey, stop looking like that. What have you done, wet your pants or somethin'?"

Looking sheepish, Mickey just shook his head and bolted for the doors. In the Doctor's opinion, he had shaken his head just a little too insistently...

Outside was a sight Rose had never seen before. There were in what looked like the middle of the desert, except there was a massive hole in the ground! What was that doing there? "Oh wow!" she exclaimed, leaning over to look down at it. "It's like a massive ditch!"

K-9 rolled his eyes, or as close as he could, considering he was a metal dog. "We are at the Grand Canyon."

"Ohh..." Rose replied, looking as though a light-bulb had just come on in her brain. "I see. I've seen this on the Simpsons!"

"Well," Jack said, grinning as he looked out across the canyon. "What's the challenge?"

"You have been provided with a long coil of wire, three nails and a coat hanger each. Your task is to cross the canyon and safely reach the other side, then come back again. Mickey is to go first, as the loser of the last round, then Jack, and then finally, the Doctor."

"Ooh, wait!" Rose cried, holding a hand up. "Don't start yet! I need my popcorn." With that, she quickly disappeared back inside the TARDIS to grab the popcorn she had been eating in the previous round.

"Oh my God! You're gonna eat popcorn while I kill myself?" Mickey exclaimed, eyes wide in horror.

Frowning, Rose popped some into her mouth. "Kill yourself? Who said anything about that? You're crossing the Grand Canyon." She nodded towards it. "Get a move on!"

Gulping, Mickey's eyes widened as he turned towards the small pile of equipment. How the hell was he supposed to cross the Grand Canyon with just a long coil of wire, a coat hanger and three nails to assist him? He was going to die.

"I can't do this," he said quietly, shaking as he looked across the gaping chasm. "I'm going to die."

"You're trying to win her heart, Mickey," the Doctor reminded him. "Or is she not worth dying for?"

Mickey turned slowly to look back at the Doctor, a small frown forming on his face as he thought deeply. His eyes flickered to Rose, then back to the Doctor. "Of course she's worth dyin' for," he muttered gruffly. "But-"

"Well come on then!" the Doctor said, urging him on. "If she's worth dying for, then you need to try to complete the challenge!"

Mickey gulped again, his whole body tensing. This was it...this was how it would end. "Isn't there, like, a forfeit or something?"

"There is no forfeit. You must complete the challenge," K-9 answered, no sympathy sounding in his robotic voice.

"Get a move on, Mickey," Jack said with a sigh. "I wanna have a go!"

Looking at Jack incredulously, Mickey straightened up and turned to the small pile of equipment. "Right," he muttered under his breath. "Massive canyon, a coil of wire, nails and a coat hanger...This is perfectly safe..."

After standing there for a long time, with his 'thinking' expression plastered across his face, Mickey finally leant down and picked up the wire and nails. He let out a long sigh. "Okay, well, I'm going to go do it..."

"Go on then," Rose said, swallowing another mouthful of popcorn. "I'm getting bored here, and I want to see what Jack comes up with. Just get it over and done with will you!"

"Rose, I'm crossing the Grand Canyon here! I'm no flamin' Houdini! This is near on impossible."

Rose shrugged. "Those two achieve the impossible all the time. You want my heart?"

He nodded, looking much like a lovesick puppy. "Yes."

"Well then," she smiled happily, "Get going, chop, chop!"

The Doctor watched on anxiously as Mickey removed one of his boots, pushed one of the nails through the end of the wire and began hammering it into the hard, rocky ground with the steel toe of his boot. What on earth was he planning on doing? Wincing slightly as Mickey proceeded to nail the wire down with the other two nails, the Doctor wondered whether Rose would be _very_ upset if Mickey died, or whether she'd just sniffle a little and then move on. I was only Mickey, after all.

"Right," Mickey muttered, clutching the massive coil of rope in shaking hands. It was miles long – long enough to stretch across the canyon. But it was only held down by three nails... He was going to die.

Stepping up to canyon, his whole body quaking with fear, Mickey glanced back at Rose and swallowed. "Love you," he whispered. And then, he jumped.

He was clinging to the end of the wire like Tarzan, only not as good looking, and swinging across the vast chasm that was the Grand Canyon. It was obvious to Rose, Jack and the Doctor that if he loosened his hold just a little bit, he'd fall miles down to his death. They all decided it was probably better not to watch.

"AHHHHRRRRGGGHHHH!" Mickey's girly scream could probably be heard from New Zealand. "I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna – OWWWW!"

At Mickey's pained, wounded cry, Rose rushed forward to the edge of the Canyon and carefully peered over the edge. Mickey hadn't quite got the measurements right, and instead of swinging right up to the other side of the chasm, he had swung face-first into the sheer rock face. His bloodied face was twisted in pain, and she could see his hold on the wire beginning to slip...

"Quick, pull him back up!" she shouted as she continued to stare, wide eyed at her former boyfriend. If he didn't look quite so injured, she'd probably find his screams quite hilarious. But there was blood pouring from the gashes on his face, his knuckles were oozing crimson and his arms were slack from the impact... he was going to fall if they didn't pull him up quickly.

"On it," the Doctor called, whipping out his sonic screwdriver. Pointing it at the top of the wire, which was still, amazingly, being held in place by the three nails, he pulled Mickey up with sonic speed.

"Is he alright?" Jack asked as he sauntered over and pocketed his mobile phone.

"Yeah," the Doctor replied as he cleared away the vast amount of blood and sealed up some of the deeper wounds on Mickey's pain-contorted face. "Arms are quite bruised, and it'll take his face a while to repair, but he'll live."

"I think the scars will be an improvement," Jack quipped, grinning. "Might detract from the helpless puppy dog look a bit. Anyway, I filmed it all to put on Facebook. Can't deprive the world of that!"

Rose couldn't help but laugh. Mickey wasn't dead, so everything was fine! Though he was rolling about on the floor, clutching his face and crying... She shrugged. He'd get over it.

"Mickey Smith has failed the Grand Canyon Challenge," K-9 announced, not bothered by Mickey's groans and muffled screams.

"Oh someone put him on mute," Jack complained, looking disgustedly at the whimpering man on the floor.

The Doctor nodded. "Mm, it's starting to annoy me as well." He pointed the sonic screwdriver at Mickey, and suddenly, they couldn't hear him anymore.

Forgetting completely about Mickey's pain, Rose grinned and looked to Jack. "Your turn!"

Jack returned the grin and winked at her. "Yes, Ma'am." With that, he gave her a salute and shrugged off his precious military jacket. His face was ever confident as he approached the wire, nails and coat hanger; he bent down to pick up the nails and wire, leaving the coat hanger behind. No-one, it seemed, had any use for that.

Rose and the Doctor looked on with interest as Jack nailed one end of the wire down and put the other two nails into the other end. "Check this out," he told them as he picked up the wire and flung it lasso-style across to the other side of the massive Canyon.

"Woo!" Rose cheered, watching in awe as he managed to throw it so the nails in the other end dug themselves into a jutting rock. That left a taut wire stretching all the way across the chasm, so that Jack could either zip-wire down it, or use it as a tightrope. She glanced at the Doctor, who looked ever so slightly annoyed. Well, not everyone could be an ace shot like Jack.

"What!" Mickey cried, the sonic muter wearing off. "How did he do that?"

Jack turned around, his eyes fixed on Rose suggestively. "I _always_ have fantastic aim." That reduced Rose to a blushing, incoherent fit of giggles as her knees went weak. "And now," Jack said clearly, holding his arms out as though addressing a crowd. "For the big finale, I am going to walk across this wire to the other side!"

"Yay!" Rose cheered again, clapping her hands. "Well this is so much more interesting than watching Mickey smash his face into bits."

"Hey!"

"Oh," she said, glancing at Mickey, whose face was still bleeding a little. "Sorry, no offence, but it was a bit predictable."

Mickey looked incredibly grumpy. "Oh thanks, Rose. Thank you very much."

"You're welcome," she replied brightly as she turned back to watch Jack.

With a confident smile upon his face and an impeccably straight back, Jack began to walk steadily across the tightrope he had made for himself. He didn't wobble once on the way over, and even stopped in the middle to perform three rounds of the Macarena, much to everyone but Rose's annoyance.

"Woo, go Jack!" she exclaimed, joining in as he started doing the Macarena again on the way back.

"Come on all of you!" Jack called back, swinging his hips from side to side, his balance never wavering, despite the fact that he was hundreds of feet above the ground. "Hey...Macarena!"

"Show off," Mickey muttered, gently prodding at the tender skin on his bruised hands.

"Captain Jack Harkness has successfully completed the challenge," K-9 reported as Jack stepped off the tightrope and back onto solid ground with an ostentatious bow. "Master, you will go next."

"Go on, Doctor," Rose said, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. "You can do it."

He grinned back at her. "I know."

Mickey let out a loud groan of annoyance, though it could have just been the pain.

Still grinning, and after clapping Jack on the back to offer his congratulations, The Doctor picked up the one thing that hadn't been used yet. The coat hanger.

Rose frowned slightly as he strolled over to the TARDIS without a word, opened the door and disappeared inside, still clutching the coat hanger. "What's he doing?" she asked, but her voice was drowned out by the familiar sound of the TARDIS de-materialising. "Hey!" she shouted, rushing towards it. "Don't leave us 'ere!"

"Don't worry," Jack called out, wrapping a gentle arm around her shoulders. He pointed to the other side of the Canyon. "There he is."

And sure enough, there was the TARDIS, materialising again on the other side. Mickey's eyes popped as his mouth opened, a little blood trickling from the corner. "What? He's not allowed to do that, surely? He's cheated!"

"Oh shut up," Jack told him, rolling his eyes. "You used your boot, why can't he use his TARDIS?"

"Yeah," Rose agreed, laughing as the Doctor jumped out of the TARDIS and began frantically waving at them, the coat hanger still in his left hand. "He didn't cheat; he just used what he could."

Moments later, the TARDIS materialised again next to Rose and the Doctor stepped out, looking very smug and proud of himself.

"That was brilliant!" Rose exclaimed with a laugh, hugging him. "One thing though, why did you take the coat hanger?"

Shrugging, the Doctor tossed it to the side and hugged her back. "I thought it might feel a bit left out, so I took it to press the buttons with in the TARDIS."

Jack let out a chuckle as he watched the two embrace. Hm, he still thought Rose fit better in his own arms. "Same old Doctor."

"The Doctor has successfully completed the challenge. Mickey Smith was the only one who-"

"Yeah, alright, alright!" Mickey called out as he struggled to hit feet, his hand still covering his bloodied cheek. "We get it. I didn't 'successfully complete the challenge', we know! Now just reveal the winner before I kick you."

K-9 simply spun his head around to look at the Doctor expectantly.

"Oh, right," the Doctor said, realising what the metal dog meant. "Mickey, don't threaten K-9, its mean and is upsetting him."

"He's a tin dog! You treat me as if I have no feelings, why can't I treat him as if he has none?" Mickey crossed his arms and grumpily stuck his bottom lip out.

"Now, now, Mickey," Jack said, looking at him patronisingly. "Let's not have a temper tantrum, they rarely ever solve anything, and they definitely won't win Rose's heart."

Mickey just glared at him, which looked a bit funny since he still had his bottom lip stuck out like a three year old robbed of his sweets.

"The winner of the Grand Canyon challenge was..." K-9 trailed off as Jack did a drum roll on a nearby rock, a confident smile on his face. He was going to win, he had to.

"Captain Jack Harkness!"

"Wahey!" he cheered, jumping up and giving Rose a quick kiss on the lips. "I knew it!"

"Huh," Mickey huffed. "Well at least the Doctor didn't win."

"Yeah," the Doctor said with a frown. "How come I didn't win? I should have won purely on sheer cunning!" His frown deepened. "And for not leaving out the coat hanger."

Rose laughed. "If I'm being honest, Jack's was better. Hello, he did the Macarena!"

"Yeah, I can do that," he replied nonchalantly.

"On a tightrope!"

"Yeah, maybe not that..." he trailed off awkwardly.

"So it's agreed?" Jack asked, grinning. "I won the first physical challenge, the Doctor came second and Mickey made an absolute foo..." he trailed off as Mickey fixed his death glare on him. "Came third. Mickey came a well deserved third."

"That's more like it," Mickey muttered, just loud enough for everyone to hear. "Some respect, at last."

Then again, out of nowhere, the Doctor started hopping around the place, waving his arms around and singing. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you know what it means to me! Respect, just a little bit. Respect, just a little bit... R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

Jack looked on, eyebrow raised as Rose leant against him happily, a laugh sounding from within her. "Definitely the next Aretha Franklin," he said, nodding.

Rose laughed again. "Definitely," she agreed.

Mickey just looked on in wonder. How could Rose fancy a weirdo like the Doctor?

* * *

_**That's all for now. Hope you enjoyed it and please review! Also, could you visit my profile to vote on my poll as to whether you're Team Doctor, Team Jack or Team Mickey? Thank you!**_

_**X =D**_


	4. Part Four

_**Hi, thank you for your reviews! Here's the next part with the second and third physical challenge! Hope you like it and please keep the feedback coming!**_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own DrWho, unfortunately for me!**_

_**Part Four**_

* * *

"You have got to be kiddin' me," Mickey said loudly, his eyes wide as he took in the scene before him. Next to him, the Doctor was shivering and Jack was stood there, the ever arrogant grin still plastered over his face.

For the last ten minutes, all Jack had been able to do was to sing 'I won the first challenge, and I'll win the second. Na, na, na, na, na!' It was annoying Mickey no end.

"Wow, K-9, who's a clever dog?" Rose squealed, leaning down to pat the metal dog on the head. "This is going to be fantastic!"

"Err, I ain't so sure myself," Mickey said, looking again at what was in front of him. The glittering ice rink was massive, surrounded by plated glass and seats for spectators. Thankfully, there was no audience occupying the seats. Groaning, Mickey turned away from the offensive ice rink; were all three challenges going to end in him being critically injured? His face still stung immensely from where he'd smashed it against the red rock of the Grand Canyon, not that anyone cared. Hell, not even Rose cared! He had no idea why, but she just wanted to laugh and joke with Jack and the Doctor. Couldn't she see that he was better for her than them?

"You want us to ice skate?" the Doctor asked, grinning as he looked at his faithful robotic dog.

"Not exactly, master," K-9 said, his head spinning around to look at Jack and Mickey before returning to the Doctor. "I want you to figure skate."

At that, there were three very different yet simultaneous reactions. Mickey let out a loud, exasperated cry of devastation, the Doctor shrugged and nodded in approval and Jack punched his hand into the air, crying out in delight.

"Yes!" he exclaimed. "Oh this is gonna be so awesome! Come on guys, there's these fantastic outfits and everything!" Turning to K-9, Jack took on an expectant look. "We do get to wear the outfits, right?"

"Affirmative," K-9 replied, his antennae flashing in delight. "If the contestants could please make their way through to the dressing rooms to get changed, you will then have fifteen minutes to think of a routine and choose your music. Then, you will perform!"

Mickey let out a resigned sigh, as though he was used to being asked to do things that would either result in his death, or extreme humiliation. "Let me guess, as the loser of the first challenge, I've gotta go first, haven't I?"

K-9 nodded, or as best he could. "Affirmative. The Doctor will go second, and Captain Jack Harkness has the privilege of going last, as he won the Grand Canyon challenge."

"Bu-yah!" Jack exclaimed, grinning at Rose. "All for you, my love," he added with a wink, which reduced Rose to fits of girly giggles once again.

"Bloody hormones," the Doctor muttered as he passed on his way to the dressing rooms, dreading to think what sort of outfit he would have to squeeze into. It was a good job he had a good body this time around; the idea of his ninth re-incarnation squeezing into a Lycra suit made him want to shudder. Still, it was all worth it for Rose – she would get a laugh out of it, at least. And probably tease him until the day he died...which was, hopefully, a long way into the future. "Right," he said, turning as he reached the door. "Let's go get changed!"

* * *

Rose sat patiently eating her popcorn as all three men got changed and thought up a routine. She was in prime position right up near the glass in the middle, where she could see perfectly what was going on. Popping more of her snack into her mouth with glee, Rose swung her legs and wondered what music they would choose. Would they go for some of her favourite songs, or something more classical like with Torvill and Dean? She laughed, thinking of how the Doctor had once pretended to ice skate around the TARDIS to the Bolero.

"This is so the worst day of my life," she heard Mickey mutter beside her. Turning to see what exactly he sounded so upset about, Rose gasped and allowed her eyes to widen.

"Oh God," she said, sounding a little shocked. "I'd take a photo, but..."

"Don't you dare," Mickey warned, pointing a threatening finger at her face. "This is..." he glanced down at his outfit. "This is terrible."

Rose couldn't argue: he was right, unfortunately. Mickey's figure skating outfit consisted of a full length, bright red Lycra jumpsuit, with flares at the wrists and ankles, and a green frill protruding from around his stomach. The ice skates were a matching green colour, which Mickey was only just managing to stand up in. Rose dreaded to think what would happen once he got on the ice.

"You do look a bit like an explosion in the Christmas factory," she told him, offering a grim smile.

"I look like one of Santa's flamin' elves, only more gay, and more...frilly." He tried to bat down the oversized frill around his stomach. "This is just ridiculous. I've only ever been ice skating about three times, and that was years ago!"

Rose chuckled and gave him a quick hug. "You'll be okay, besides, your face is already smashed in, a few more cuts won't make a difference."

What annoyed Mickey, was that there was no sarcasm in her tone at all. She really meant that. "Right, yeah...well, here goes."

"Great!" she exclaimed eagerly, swallowing more popcorn. It seemed it kept replenishing itself. "What song have you chosen then?"

"Claire de Lune," Mickey said, nodding. "Thought if I take it slow, then there'd be less chance of me fallin' over, ya know?" A wide grin spread across his face. "See, always thinking, me! Genius."

Deciding to just go along with it and nodding, Rose smiled and looked out across the gleaming ice rink. "Yeah, it's a nice piece of music. Well, go on then, let's see what you've got!"

Mickey nodded, and nervously approached the edge of the ice.

Everyone could immediately tell as soon as Mickey stepped onto the ice that he was going to be a disaster. All the lights dimmed, with various spotlights illuminating the ice as the soft music began to play. Still gripping the side desperately, Mickey began to very slowly skate round the edge of the rink, trying to look professional.

"Isn't he gonna let go of the side?" Jack asked in a whisper from where he and the Doctor were watching from a special room.

The Doctor glanced at him, a grimace on his face. "He's fallen over seventeen times already, Jack, and that's with holding the side. I'm not sure I want to watch if he lets go."

Jack sniggered and leant forward, trying to get a better view as he ran through his own routine in his head. He was going to be _amazing_; not that he wasn't always, of course.

Just at that moment, a familiar sound rang out through the ice rink. The others had heard it so many times before in the last few hours, that they'd got a bit bored of it really. It was, of course, the loud, shrieking, pained cry of Mickey, signalling that he was hurt.

"Oh what a surprise," Jack remarked, leaning forward to see where Mickey had just fallen over and skidded right across the ice to collide with a heavy thump against the side. "Mickey mouse has smashed his face in again."

Back at the side of ice rink, Rose had jumped to her feet and run forwards to the edge. "Oh God!" she cried, lifting her hands to her mouth. "That's terrible! Oh my God, do you think it'll be alright?"

K-9 swivelled his head around to look at her panic-stricken face. "Mickey has smashed his face up already, I'm sure he will be fine."

"No, not him!" Rose exclaimed, worriedly peering out across the ice again. "He's getting loads of blood all over the lovely shiny ice! It won't stain, will it?"

"Oh thanks!" Mickey cried out from where he lay on the ice, once more clutching a bleeding head. "You're more concerned about the ice than me!"

"Well, you have done it before, Mickey," Rose said, crossing her arms as he began to crawl to the edge, his face screwed up in pain. "It's nothing new. I just don't want to ruin the ice..."

He had managed to pull himself up onto solid ground now and looked up at Rose in disbelief. "Hang on..."

Rose held a hand up to silence him. "I mean, how could you be so selfish, Mickey!" she exclaimed crossly, looking at the little puddle of blood on the ice a few metres away. "The Doctor and Jack still have to skate on that, and you've made it look all bloody and ruined!"

Mickey couldn't say anything; he just stared up at her in shock. Frowning, he tried to remember why the hell he was putting himself through all this, but he wasn't sure. Something to do with Rose...and now she was having a go at him for ruining the ice!

"What about my head?" he yelled, pointing to the bleeding wound.

Rose shrugged and glanced at it briefly. "I'm sure it'll be fine, just go find a towel or some toilet paper to hold to it. It'll stop bleeding eventually."

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Mickey stomped off to the toilets, unable to believe everyone's disregard for his pain. Didn't they understand? He probably had brain damage from all these injuries by now.

* * *

"Next up, the Doctor!" K-9 announced, as the Doctor made his way out towards Rose. He was wearing what appeared to be normal black trousers, but paired with white skates and a black, glittering Lycra top. Rose couldn't help but stare at the way the material hung to his firm chest...his shoulders were broader than she thought, even if he was a little skinny...

"Like what you see?" he quipped, stopping in front of her with his hands on his hips.

Blushing, Rose dragged her gaze back up to his face. "You look great," she told him, giving him an automatic hug. "And I'm sure you'll do brilliantly!"

The Doctor grinned. "Well, I'll do better than Mickey – that's a given. I've chosen to skate to the Beatles – Twist and Shout. You know, I've never taken you to see the Beatles; we should do that sometime!"

Rose nodded, grinning enthusiastically. "Sounds great! Go on then, good luck!"

"You never wished me good luck," Mickey grumbled as he reappeared from the toilets, holding a massive wad of tissue to his head.

Rose rolled her eyes and didn't even look at him as she replied. "No amount of luck was going to help you, Mickey. We all know that."

* * *

The Doctor's routine was going fantastically; he danced in time to the music, spinning around on the ice with the usual idiotic grin on his face. There were a few instances where he almost stumbled, which resulted in a comical waving of arms as he tried to stabilise himself, but nothing serious. Rose cheered from the side, laughing as he jumped, rock-star style, off the ice.

"So, how did I do?" he asked, his hands on his hips.

Laughing, Rose grinned and watched as he pulled off his skates. "Brilliant! Bit wobbly sometimes, but it was funny. Where'd you learn to figure skate, anyway?"

"Aha," he replied mysteriously, tapping the side of his nose. "Secret of a Timelord, I'm not obliged to tell."

Rose merely rolled her eyes in reply and turned to watch Jack emerge from the dressing rooms. Oh God. What a surprise. Of course, Jack hadn't decided to be inconspicuous and dress normally like the Doctor. Oh no – he had chosen what was, unmistakeably, a girl's skating dress.

Bright pink in colour, the Lycra skating dress hung off one muscled shoulder and stuck, skin-tight to his sculpted chest before falling to just above Jack's knees. He had plastered makeup over his face, and it was quite scary how well he would pass for a woman, if he wasn't revealing quite so much of his muscular body.

"Sorry," he said loudly with a grin, making his way forward in glittering, silver skates. Ever the show off. "I just couldn't resist."

Suppressing a giggle, Rose shook her head, a resigned sigh escaping her lips. "You really are incapable of doing anything without being flamboyant about it, aren't you?"

"Yup!" Jack replied, not ashamed of the fact. "And...Guess what music I've chosen?"

Rose sighed, not daring to even guess. "Go on, surprise me."

A wide, cheesy grin spread across his face as he answered. "Come on, Rose, please guess! I'll give you some clues. It's an eighties classic, it's very _me_...and-"

"Ooh!" Rose exclaimed, jumping slightly on the spot. "Club Tropicana, by Wham!"

"Got it in one, Miss Tyler!" Jack replied happily, picking her up and spinning her round on the spot, much to Mickey's annoyance. "Right, I'm off to figure skate. How do I look?" He pulled a supermodel pose.

Laughing, Rose nodded approvingly. "Fabulous, darling," she said in a posh accent and patted him on the back. "Now off you go, let's see what you've got!"

* * *

The Doctor, Rose and Mickey watched Jack start his routine together. He was pirouetting gracefully across the ice, grinning like a clown as he stuck his leg out behind him, the skates glittering in the light.

"How could you fancy him?" Mickey grumbled, his brows knitted together in annoyance. "He's so gay."

Rose chuckled and threw a careless glance his way. "Just 'cause he's funny."

"Oh God," the Doctor said, quickly tapping Rose's arm to get her attention. "I think he's going to sing. Oh God. No. Please, no!"

Too late. As Jack glided around the end of the rink, he opened his mouth and began to sing along at the top of his voice, dancing along. "Club Tropicana, drinks are freeeee! Fun and sunshine, there's enough for everyone! All that's missing is the seeeeea, but don't worry, you can suntan!" Just as he reached the finale and stretched his arms out, Jack hit a bit of carved up ice and before he knew it, he was flying forwards onto the ice. And he didn't stop there. After hitting the cold surface, Jack skidded the length of the rink on his stomach, the cheesy eighties music fading into the background...

"Jack!" Rose cried, jumping to her feet and rushing to the edge of the rink. "Are you alright? Are you hurt? Should I call an ambulance?"

"Oh my God," Mickey said, his mouth dropping open. "Half my bloody _face_ has been smeared across the Grand Canyon and this ice, and she doesn't bat an eyelid! But gay-boy here trips a little, and she's all over 'im!"

"Now, now, Mickey," the Doctor said gravely, looking disapprovingly at him. "There's no need to be so bitter about things."

Huffing, Mickey sat back and pouted, his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm not bitter. I'm just fed up of being ignored!"

"Don't worry," the Doctor said, glancing over to check that Jack wasn't too hurt. "You'll get used to it."

* * *

_**Hope that was alright! That's all for now, please review and I'll update soon!**_

_**X =D**_


	5. Part Five

_**Oh my God, I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in months! It's just, I ran out of ideas, and since this is primarily a present for a friend (smiggle you sweetie!), I decided to focus mainly on my more serious fics, and just update this when I got an idea. So finally, the idea for the third physical challenge hit me, so here you are! Again, I'm really sorry for the delay, thank you for all your reviews, and here is Part Five! :P **_

_**X =D**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own Doctor Who...boo hoo! :P**_

_**Part Five**_

* * *

K-9, Rose, the Doctor, Jack and Mickey were all back in the TARDIS. Everyone was stood around K-9, waiting to hear more about the next part of the competition to win Rose's heart. Everyone that was, except Mickey, who was sat in the background, nursing his smashed up face and wounded pride. He let out the occasional whimper of pain, although most of the throbbing had dissipated, just in the hope that someone might care enough to turn round and ask if he was okay. No-one did.

"Announcement, announcement," K-9, um, announced, as they all jumped to attention...apart from Mickey. "Just to run over the competition so far," the more superior tin-dog continued, "The Doctor won the first question round, Captain Jack Harkness won the first physical challenge at the Grand Canyon, but the winner of the figure skating round was...the Doctor!"

The Doctor's face lit up as he bounded up to the dog, grinning. "Oh, you good dog!" he exclaimed, patting K-9's head enthusiastically. "So I'm beating Jack!"

"Affirmative, master," K-9 confirmed, swivelling his head round to give Jack an apologetic look. "The score now stands at The Doctor – two, Captain Jack Harkness – one, and Mickey Smith – zero."

"Oh shut up," Mickey muttered grouchily as he chucked a spanner at K-9. It bounced off his metal head and everyone gasped, turning to look at Mickey in shock.

"Mickey!" Rose cried. "How could you do something like that? Poor K-9!"

Letting out a long sigh, Mickey just scowled at all of them and turned away to continue sulking in the corner, bottom lip protruding like that of a small child as he did so. "Mickey," the Doctor called over to him. "Mickey, can you come over here please?" There was silence, and Mickey didn't move. The Doctor sighed, his patience wearing thin as Rose bent down and continued to stroke K-9's head, comforting him whilst Jack perved on her arse. "Mickey Smith, I'm not going to say it again. Can you please come over here?"

Letting out a loud huff, Mickey slipped off his seat and grouchily made his way over to the Doctor. "What?" he asked, not in a good mood at all. He was injured, hurt, trying to compete for his teenage sweetheart's love, and everyone was taking the piss out of him.

The Doctor looked down at him severely, his arms crossed as he looked at Mickey, then nodded to K-9. "I want you to apologise to K-9 for hurting him, please."

Mickey's eyes widened, his eyebrows hitting the ceiling. "What? I'm not some kid! He's a _tin-dog_; he probably didn't even feel it!"

The Doctor didn't look at all impressed, and merely turned up his 'disapproving figure of authority' act. "Yes, and so are you, but I'm sure if we threw a spanner at _your_ head, you'd feel it."

"Ooh, I'll volunteer to test _that_ out," Jack piped up, finally dragging his gaze away from Rose's backside.

"Shut up," Mickey snapped, moodily looking at K-9 before letting out a long-suffering, irritated sigh. "Fine...whatever makes you happy, since that makes Rose happy an' all that..." He bent down to speak to K-9. Needless to say, Jack didn't feel any desire to perv on _his_ arse.

"K-9, I'm really sorry for throwing that spanner at your head. I didn't mean to take my anger out on you." He glanced up at the Doctor, but the Timelord's face was still expectant. Sighing, Mickey turned back to address K-9. "And I promise to never do it again," he added sulkily.

"Ah, there we go!" Jack exclaimed happily, beaming. "Now hug, kiss and make up you two, I have a third physical challenge I need to beat the Doctor at!"

"Ah yes," Rose said, her face glowing with excitement as Mickey tried to look a little less sulky, for her sake. "So, K-9, you wonderful tin dog, what's the third physical challenge going to be? Where we going?"

K-9's head swivelled round to address all of them, before announcing, "The next physical challenge will be... Twister!"

At that, the Doctor, Mickey and Jack all reacted at the same time.

"Twister?" Mickey cried, incredulous.

"Twister!" the Doctor exclaimed, clapping his hands, absolutely ecstatic at the prospect of playing his favourite game.

"Twister?" Jack repeated, looking excited, but slightly confused. "What's Twister?"

The Doctor, K-9, Mickey and Rose all rounded on him, their faces shocked and horrified. The Doctor in particular looked especially murderous. "Y-you...You d-don't know what Twister is?" he asked, stumbling over his words, unable to believe what he was hearing. "How can you _not_ know what Twister is?"

"That is weird, man," Mickey said, actually looking quite pleased that the others all agreed with him on something.

Nodding, Rose shook her head at Jack, still gobsmacked. "That's mental, Jack! How can you have never played Twister before?"

Grinning his most devilishly handsome grin, Jack shrugged. "I don't know; guess I've just never come across it! Anyway, I'm sure I'll soon find out what it is. Hey," he said, laughing, "Even though I've never even heard of it before, I bet I'll still beat Mickey Mouse here at Twister!" He turned to K-9 and announced, in the gay, elaborate fashion that so brilliantly became him, "Lead the way to Twister-land, K-9!"

All the way down the corridors of the TARDIS to the Doctor's special 'Twister' room, Jack could be heard to be singing at the top of his voice.

"Heeyyy, let's twist again! Come onnn, and twist again!"

Hip-thrusts and twists included.

* * *

"Wow, this looks awesome!" Jack exclaimed upon seeing the massive Twister mat that the Doctor had in his 'Twister room'. "So, what do you do with the massive picnic mat?"

"It's not a picnic mat," the Doctor explained, rolling his eyes along with Rose and Mickey, who felt glad to be included again. Especially as they were all now ganging up on Jack, sort of. At least, that's what he told himself they were doing. Deep down, he knew it was just friendly teasing, but in his head, they were all secretly fed up of him and were ready to lock him in a room with a hundred bloodthirsty, carnivorous aliens who liked eating self-obsessed Americans for breakfast...

"This is a Twister mat. Basically, Rose will spin the, erm, spinnery-thing, and she'll say something like 'Left hand, yellow', so then you have to put your left hand on yellow. Then she'll spin again and say something else, and you have to do what she says. The winner is the person who can remain in position for the longest time. If you fall on your backside, you're out!"

Jack nodded, surveying the mat and taking a look at the 'spinnery-thing'. "All looks pretty awesome and easy-peasy to me. Let's play!"

Grinning, the Doctor turned to Rose, gave her a hi-five and handed her the spinner. "Here you go, all yours. Spin away!"

Jack burst into song again, singing his heart out as he twirled around and around in circles, "You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a record baby! You spin me right round, baby, right round!"

"Jack?" Rose called out, smiling sweetly.

The captain suddenly came to a halt mid-spin, resulting in him swaying a little from side to side as he waited for the room to stop spinning, Rose's face blurring before him. "Yes, my love?"

Rose smiled a little more at him. "Shut up and get to your starting place."

Giving her a mock salute, Jack nodded and took his position at the edge of the mat. "Yes, Ma'am, I am loaded and ready to go."

This earned him a giggle from Rose as she fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously at him. "Bet you say that to all the girls," she laughed, before spinning the spinner.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, and the Doctor, Mickey and Jack were in some rather..._compromising_ positions.

The Doctor was perhaps the best off out of the three of them. That is to say, he wasn't the one with Mickey's arse in his face, or Jack's leg wrapped around his neck. He was in a crouching position, bent with one arm back in a half-crab pose, and looking pretty comfy on it too, despite having to keep his back arched the whole time to stop himself from falling on his backside. Rose thought he looked kinda, well...foxy.

Mickey however, wasn't looking too happy about the situation. He was in, well, what could best be described as a 'doggy' position. He was stretched out on all fours, backside in the air and he would have been pretty stable... had Jack not been forced to wrap a leg around his neck in order to be able to put his right foot on green, leaving his face in a rather...a_wkward_ place, and his whole body was beginning to buckle under the weight.

Jack wasn't loving it either. Yes, it was safe to say, Rose decided as she happily chewed popcorn, spun the spinner and laughed at them, that Jack's first encounter with Twister wasn't exactly a positive one. Yes, Captain Jack Harkness had most certainly drawn the short straw with this one. He was currently bent over backwards, one leg wrapped around Mickey's neck, one hand stretched out behind him so that his body created an arch over Mickey and his head, well... That was twisted round and situated rather inconveniently in front of Mickey's backside. Nice.

To put a long story short, the general gist of the situation was this: there were a great many people with whom Jack would have loved to be in that particular position with, but Mickey Smith was not one of them.

Gleefully, Rose spun the spinner again and called out, "Left hand, red!"

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," the Doctor said, manoeuvring himself to see that he was going to have to reach around Mickey's ankle to reach the nearest red dot to him, thereby entangling himself into Mickey and Jack's 'situation'. He was about to move his hand to the red dot, when Mickey decided to do so at the same time, resulting in their heads colliding with loud bang, and more to the point, both of them falling over. Jack managed to remain in position after wobbling a little, but only just.

The Doctor and Mickey meanwhile were sprawled on the floor, a tangle of limbs and bruises as they both groaned and rubbed their heads.

"Bloody hell," Mickey grumbled, the first to sit up, though that made him feel dizzy and he swayed a little bit. "You've got a hard head."

The Doctor grinned at him through the pain, still rubbing his own head, messing up his hair even more. Rose thought he looked gorgeous when he did that, which he was fully aware of...so he did it some more, even though the pain had pretty much subsided. "That's because I've got lots of brains in there, Mickey," he quipped, reaching out to pat him patronizingly on the head before turning to look at Jack. "Well, suppose you won this one then."

"Affirmative!" K-9 confirmed, moving forwards from where he had been watching the game from a safe distance. The robotic dog didn't really fancy getting trodden or fallen on. "The competition now stands at Captain Jack Harkness – two-"

Rose interrupted with a cheer, jumping up and down on the spot, clapping, and then swooning when Jack grinned and sent a cheeky wink her way.

"The Doctor – two-"

Cheering yet again, Rose and the Doctor exchanged hi-fives and not for the first time, Rose wondered who she really wanted to win. The Doctor or Jack? Mickey was out of the question of course. It was like this was a science experiment, and Mickey was just the control variable – the part that no-one really bothers about but is needed for entertainment, or something like that...

"And Mickey Smith – zero."

There was no cheering this time, but Mickey looked at Rose, faintly annoyed, so she gave him a half-hearted, "Yay...!"

"Aha, what did I tell you all?" Jack said, chest puffed out, his hands on his hips. "I knew I'd win! Because I am just that amazing..." He grinned. "Not to mention handsome, of course." Rose giggled again at that.

"Oh leave off it, Jack," the Doctor told him, though he was smiling too. "Come on, K-9, you good dog. What's the final part of the competition then?"

The robotic tin-dog looked thoughtful for a moment, something that doesn't sound possible for a metal dog, but it was. "Hm," he said, his antennae flashing. "K-9 is tired now, and suggests that everyone gets some rests, and the contest may continue tomorrow."

"Ooh," Jack said, "I'm up for that! A little bit of bed time..." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Rose, sending her into fits of giggles again as Mickey sighed wearily. Why he didn't just leave now, he had no idea. Hell, he should have opted out when the Lycra and ice skates came out.

"Affirmative," K-9 said, "The contest will be resumed tomorrow. I am off to my bedroom." With that, the little tin dog rolled away down the corridor and out of sight.

Rose looked at the Doctor, perplexed. "He has a bedroom?"

The Doctor shrugged, looking amused. "Apparently so!"

"Do I have a bedroom?" Mickey asked, butting in.

"No," came the chorus of replies from the Doctor, Rose and Jack.

* * *

_**And that's all for now, folks! Sorry again about the ridiculously long wait, but there's only one or two more parts to go now! Hope you enjoyed this, thanks for reading and please, please review!**_

_**X =D**_


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